I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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