I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize