Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Randomize
Follow @tfln