yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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