She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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