Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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