The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She said her name was "party"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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