I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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