My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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