I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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