I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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