Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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