Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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