Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize