did you get engaged???
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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