I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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