you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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