I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize