anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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