was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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