you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize