You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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