I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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