this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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