Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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