there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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