I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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