Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hippo gnu deer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize