I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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