Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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