I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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