I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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