if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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