I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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