i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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