i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
3pm strippers are depressing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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