Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize