I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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