I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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