Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I could make wine with my vomit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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