So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have already put on my inside pants.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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