Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize