Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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