Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize