i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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