My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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