that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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