hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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