It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize