Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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